A Dharma Glimpse by Angela
I recently I walked out of a trustees meeting.
My manager parts had conveyed me there. Where I was prepared to curl up in an armchair and silently record the minutes; counting the minutes until I could escape to the sanctuary of my duvet.
To open the meeting Kaspa invited us to arrive by speaking in turn about how we were feeling.
I was undone
I could not speak of that honestly. I could not have words but only a flood of tears. I was neither agreeably synchronized with the positive outlook of several fellows in the room. Nor honorably afflicted by concern for another. I was sitting with overwhelming, sensations of wretchedness. Of agony born of the frustration of my bombu egoistic endeavours to secure happiness.
My mother commented that the magnitude of my upset appeared disproportionate to the situation. Examination suggested that beneath the triviality of the ending of a brief relationship sat a thorny problem. An observation that I was repeating the same mistakes. A dawning realization that a paradigm shift was required for me to advance. My grief was fuelled by an overwhelming sense of helplessness at how I was to make this happen, given how earnestly I tried.
I left the meeting and took a walk on the hill. The bluebells, now dying back were on show that day.
They appear each year at this time. 584 million miles around the sun they travel, as do we, each year. Effortlessly. All they must do is respond to environmental circumstances of temperature, light and day length to grow.
I’ve made that trip around the sun 47 times now. Around me as I do so, the seasons turn and display their show. And I do nothing to orchestrate this. Nothing I could do. No thing. No striving contrivance affects the work of the universe. The bluebell doesn’t even think to contrive. So why do I?
And that led me to this thought. If I follow my nature I should be moved to the pivot point. And all I need do is rest there. And then the paradigm will shift without striving. If I place myself before the Buddha, the universal forces will turn. Just as the earth orbits the sun and the seasons change. Conditions will arise where I will simply grow into who I am.
Namo Amida Bu.