A Dharma Glimpse by Kim Allard
My husband developed cancer in June of 2021. Between COVID and my husband’s compromised immunity it’s been a long lock down for us both. Our time is filled with repeating cycles of hope and disappointment. It’s been a painful lesson in not grasping or becoming attached to a particular outcome. It’s also a daily lesson in trust that a greater wisdom is at work, beyond the reality of the moment.
In troubled times I do my practice reciting Namo Amida Bu knowing the words matter even if I lack the meditative focus I try to bring each time.
I know my care giving is an opportunity to be of service, practice compassion and patience. But from time to time it hits me that my patient is having a bad day and said something that hurt my feelings, the kitchen needs tending the laundry baskets are full and helpers in a rural area face a great demand and are in short supply. It’s easy in those moments to feel like a complete failure with my practice full of anger, self pity, frustration and disappointment.
And then . . .
Ever so slowly the sun might illuminate one of my Buddhas on my windowsill. A blue heron may float into our pond and offer its calm presence and blue color to our winter day. A subtle stirring of our redwood trees and our wind chimes prompt me to sit down amongst the clutter and open one of my books and allow a random choice to appear. I look down to see a Dharma teaching which seems picked for just that moment. These small moments strung together over my days allow me to know everything will be okay. Life will go on, the moment will heal because I took a moment of compassion for myself and acknowledged I am a foolish being on a journey of teachable moments and . . . I will be okay.
Namo Amida Bu
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