A Dharma Glimpse by Satya
At the weekend I drove my mum a few hours so she could see her sister in her new care home. My aunt has had dementia for some time, and she had begun to need higher levels of care that were available in her old place. We ate lunch with her, saw her room, and took a slow walk around the large gardens with my aunt using her walker.
The visit left me with lots of different emotions. The care home was very well run, but I realised for the first time how limited my life would be if I live for long enough to end up somewhere similar – living in a room that had meaty gravy smells seeping in underneath the door, and totally relying on others to even get up from my chair. I felt sad for my mum, and sad for my aunt, who wanted to share stories with us but couldn’t get past the first few words without losing her thread. It also showed me how much I rely on many of the ‘props’ in my own life – various identities such as ‘good therapist’ and ‘good writer’, someone with independence and ‘financial success’, someone with lots of control over how I spend my time… I had a glimpse of seeing all of these props for what they were – impermanent.
What I also came away with was encouragement to enjoy my life as much as I can, here and now. My aunt is doing an admirable job of that too – with her gratitude to the staff, her pleasure in the gardens, and with her delight in her grandchildren. There is always something we can enjoy, even in the most difficult of circumstances.
I am grateful to my aunt for reminding me of this. Maybe she’s a Buddha in disguise.