Dharma Glimpse by Helen
There’s been a few times in my life when I’ve heard the voice of God tell me something very
strongly. It’s generally been when I’ve been doggedly pursuing a path that deep down I’ve
knows wasn’t right for me but for one reason or another I’ve been ignoring all signs to the
contrary and determinedly digging my heels in and carrying on blindly, certain that either
there is no other choice or, in some cases, a breakthrough will come and the path I’m on will
become the right path if only I work hard enough to make it so.
Recently I’ve been experiencing some minor, but still upsetting health issues. I’ve various
tools, in my tool box that I’ve built up over the years to cope when things get tough like this
and one of them is physical exercise, a little run, a little weight training and then home to
my biscuit & tea, bliss! The problem is that I’ve noted my lack of motivation to actually
engage and go to the gym, even though I know I’ll feel better if I do; preferring instead to sit
on the couch, sneak chocolate past my teen, watch the latest Netflix drop of “Selling
Sunset” deep into the night and feel sorry for myself.
Don’t get me wrong, I know this is not unusual. But deep down I’ve also known that this
isn’t bog standard procrastination (although that is another hobby of mine). Something is
getting in my way. Something that I’ve not wanted to admit to myself as I feel slightly
embarrassed by it.
So, facing a mirror, scanning myself as I sometimes do with my reflection staring back a few
days ago I asked, why, why are you avoiding the one thing you know makes such a
difference to your mental health? The answer came loud and clear. BECAUSE YOU HATE
RUNNING. The shock and relief I felt at saying it out loud was palpable.
Now, I have said this out loud before, usually, as some kind of joke or quip with friends. But
Ive never really admitted it to myself before. Typing this now it feels so stupid and minor,
but its something I feel I SHOULD love, most of the people I know love it, swear by it and
have assured me that once I get into my stride ill love it too. But after yeas of trying all I ever
feel is dread at the thought of it and then afterwards serious muscle cramps, nausea and
light headed. Admitting the truth felt like a weight off my shoulders
So I’ve taken the opportunity to consider my whole routine and, more importantly, why I do
it in the first place. The revolutionary conclusion? I QUIT! Instead, a small voice inside of me
suggested going for a swim.
So that’s what I did. 30 blissful mins later I was back up on ground level, in the glorious
sunshine feeling a little achy but refreshed and grateful.
I’m not even sure if this really counts as a dharma glimpse but taking the time to listen to
what the divine is trying to tell me about myself has made a small but important change to
my life this week.
Namo Amida Bu
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